Captain Mattbeard and the tale of the 42 Wenches
Wenches 5 & 6
The Queen's Legs wasn't the best tavern in Slighport. It also wasn't the cleanest, the friendliest or even the safest. What it lacked it more than made up for in the quality of the wenches it employed. They were rumored to be some of the most beautiful women in the world. Everyone was statuesque, full breasted and light of inhibitions. So why did they work in The Queen's Legs? That's what Captain Mattbeard had come to find out.
The night Captain Mattbeard showed up to The Queen's Legs was a typical one for the tavern. It was loud, rowdy, smelly and full of sea men on shore leave. Drinks were being spilled as they were waved at the wenches who cheerfully bent over just a bit too much to lay the next round down, which of course made sure there was another round. Fights would start up between men who thought they had the sole right to be rejected by the otherworldly beautiful women. The house band would slow their tempo to dodge chairs, drunkards, ogle the women or simply order more drinks. All in all a typical night.
As Captain Mattbeard approached the soon to be legendary tavern, a patron flew out the window and onto the pavement in front of his feet. Cpt. Mattbeard looked down at the poor excuse for a man. Not every seedy bar story has to start this way he thought to himself, oh well, let’s change it up a bit. He leaned down and picked the man up and positioned the fellow like a battering ram and approached the door to The Queen's Legs. With a loud crack of his impromptu ram's head smashing open the door, his entrance was made.
The tavern paused for the 4th time in its history. The first time it paused was when a fight got too rowdy and the ensuing fire burnt it to the ground. The patrons, bar owner and wenches watched somberly as the fire engulfed the ramshackle building. Moments later the whole crowd, needing drinks to get them over the mood, stormed into the nearest tavern and promptly took it over. That tavern is now the current The Queen's Legs.
This current pause in festivities was caused by7 feet of barrel chested pirate, 2 feet of it quite possibly beard alone, standing in the doorway. Cpt. Mattbeard eyed its contents, absorbed the wenches, scoffed at the weakling men he saw and half smiled. He wouldn't get a good fight, but he'd at least get a good woman. He dropped the now bleeding man in his hands and stepped forward. The band, being the kind that's been around this scene for way too long, started playing again and brought life back to the tavern.
Cpt. Mattbeard strode forward and picked a table nearest to the bar. It had 3 men seated and one empty chair. "Is this seat taken?" Capt. Mattbeard rumbled, pointing at the empty chair. "Uh. . .no." one of the men said. Capt. Mattbeard nodded and moved over to one of the seated chairs at the table. He asked the same question. With a looming giant staring down at him inquiring about his chair he looked to his two companions for support before answering that it was, albeit with little confidence. Cpt. Mattbeard nodded, calmly picked the man up by his neck and threw him across the tavern to another table where an elderly sailor picked up his drink so the earthbound man sent flying wouldn't spill his hard earned drink. The two men still seated unwisely stayed seated as they watched their associate learn to fly. Cpt. Mattbeard strode over to the next seated chair and once again repeated his question. The next man stuttered too long and took a free flight lesson from the captain and landed in front of the band which expertly picked up their feet to allow room for a sudden fan to grace their stage. The last man seated at the table had a sudden desire to be a track star and vacated his seat before the captain had time to look his way.
Cpt. Mattbeard now feeling content about the occupants of his table finally sat down and forcibly attracted the nearest wench with the gravitational pull of his captainy eyes.
"4 mugs of the best ale you have." he rumbled.
"Oh, are you expecting company?" the homely wench said without a hint of fear.
"Yes, one mug for myself and 3 to accompany me till I finish the first."
The wench chuckled and left to grab drinks.
Cpt. Mattbeard, now with drinks in hand and waiting, sized up the wenches for prospective plundering.
Samantha was tall, tan skinned, had long black hair and with sparking emerald eyes. She was definitely foreign and the most womenly of all the wenches. She didn't need protecting because she had a knack for bringing out the chivalrous knight in any man. That knight would promptly pummel any trespasses against her character, bludgeon fellow knights tyring to do the same and engage in fisticuffs for ill mannered looks in her direction if there were any.
Jenny was a statuesque blonde who towered over most of the men, except for Cpt. Mattbeard of course, with naturally curly hair and arms that could crush a walnut or a man's hand which she proved the latter on a patron who got too feely.
Elizabeth was a petite, short haired redhead. A contagious laugh, a quick wit matched with quick blade work. If she laughed too hard, usually someone was bleeding. Cpt. Mattbeard nodded to himself on her repeated blade work. He could respect someone willing to stab and laugh.
Lastly was Genevieve. Long brown hair, stacked bosom and lacked any decent concealment for said bosom. She enjoyed a laugh with the patrons and had a habit of jovially punching them when the joked. Unfortunately for the patrons, her jovial punch usually knocked a man on his ass.
With a wench to bed and a game plan in mind, Cpt. Mattbeard set into action. His first task was to win over the whole of the wenches. With all of them in his favor, he could take his pick. He grinned in anticipation of the sport to come ahead. Finishing his 4th drink he motioned for Jenny to come get his next round.
"More already?" she beamed at him.
"Make that 6 this time." he spoke. "And bring some walnuts."
Jenny dutifully carried out her task and started to walk away when she was beckoned to stay. Usually she would just flash a smile and keep walking but something in the Cpt's voice told her not to.
Without breaking eye contact, Cpt. rolled up his sleeve and slotted in one walnut between his bicep and forearm. He calmly flexed and busted shell dropped forth.
Jenny cocked a non-impressed eye. "That's all ya got?"
"That's just a warm-up." he rumbled.
He pressed 3 walnuts into the groove and flexed again. More shells. Jenny arched an eyebrow.
"Still not too impressive." she said. With that she slotted in 4 walnuts in her arm and flexed with a grin.
"Hrmph. Put the nuts aside and let’s do this for real." With that the Cpt. put his arm down in the time honored stance of the arm wrestle. Jenny chuckled, blushed a little and took a seat opposite the big man. By now the rest of the bar was watching what would be a titanic struggle. They'd never seen Jenny lose so curiosity crawled into everyone present and took control.
Cpt. and Jenny grasped hands and each squeezed to gain the measure of the other. It was like mountains trying to crush the other, neither would budge. Both parties involved grinned. That would be the case for all of 2 seconds until Jenny, with an ounce of mischievousness, threw her strength forward and nearly took the Cpt. by surprise. He nearly hit the table but rallied back to the neutral. From here it was a back and forth of centimeters, neither giving nor taking much ground. With each budge the crowd got closer and closer. Soon they were crowding around the table, all on edge. Cpt. Mattbeard grinned beneath his formidable beard, he had counted on this. With the speed of a snake striking prey, his free hand lashed out and grabbed the nearest man's hand. He brought it to the spot on the table where Jenny's hand would come slamming in moments later. Her hand would be like a meteor slamming into earth, albeit with a fleshy landing pillow. Jenny's hand impacted the other, crushing the poor patron's hand like kindling but leaving Jenny's only slightly bruised.
Jenny and everyone else was shocked. They stared at her hand, the man now rolling and crying on the floor then back at the Cpt.
"I didn't want to damage your working tools." the mighty Cpt. said.
Jenny just stared for a split second until she burst into laughter. It was fierce belly laugh that shook her to her core.
"Well stranger, ya got me. It's been quite some nights afore someone has bested me. What's yer name?"
"Cpt. Mattbeard."
There was a sharp intake of breath across the whole tavern that deprived some mold underneath a nearby seat of enough oxygen to kill it outright. Jenny blushed deeply. The name of Cpt. Mattbeard being already known to her and now the face too. She stood up, curtsied and then left, as did the crowd leaving the crying man with his hand alone on the floor.
One down, Cpt. Mattbeard thought. 3 to go.
